On The Day When The Wagons Come, I Just Pray You Let Me On [entries|friends|calendar] .shE.AiNt.AfrAid. [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

time for another year of this.. [01 Jan 2005|01:18pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | nEcr0: hEAd spLit ] happy new year, i hope everyone had a good one. i did. hah it was the best one. my secret :D me and daniel broke up last nite.. i felt bad but i had to cuz we never talk, its like we werent even goin out. almost 4 months. ehh. kay..my new years thingy is gonna be..... to get john back hah yeya thats rite. i need him :( im gonna make a new journal, this one makes me cry lol well not really but hey.. its 2005, ewwwwwwwwwww ♥ post comment

watch me get back up [29 Dec 2004|09:01pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | ICP: pAss mE bY ] i member laying on the ground in the kitchen with my music blasting..i remember the tears soaring down my cheeks.. the way my hands quiverd..and i remember holding my stomach whispering im sorry over and over again. i can barely hear the sound of the fone ringing. i heard kellys voice on the other end. all happy as can be. she told me her and kevin and danielle were coming over. when the doorbell rang it sounded like hells bells were ringing, i was so high, everything was a blurr. i member screaming "come in" at the top of my lungs, they walked in to the kitchen and then kevin picked me up. i had told them all what happend. but i was so sure they wouldnt believe me cuz i was completely gone. i dont remmeber why, but kevin took me to the mall where i saw chris, amber, and russian. (i most likely saw more, i just dont remember) amber looked scared as fuck, cuz the nite before, i threatend to kill her..chris just stood there looking at me, asking me the worst question possible over and over again. i member walkin alone, opening my pill box..and as soon as i went to drop another pill, russian came up behind me and threw them away. prolly one of the best things i remember looking to my left and seeing all the eyes on me, and all i could think was.. how much i hated them all then i heard someone scream my name, i look to the rite and its my mom sprinting over, i went to run but kevin stopped me. i remember clutching onto russian, i was shaking all over, my skin was pale as snow. eyes were dilated and i thot i was going to die. i wasnt upset at all, its what i wanted. i member gettin up to russians car and seeing amber staring at me, i went to go after her, but i felt as if my heart had just skipped a thousand beats. so i held back, i wanted them all to see me die rite there. i wanted them to see what they did to me. russian told me i said to him "if amber gets into the car with me, ill strangle her" so the ride back to my house was unpleasent from what i can remember. chris was next to me asking me the question over and over and over again. "is it gone?" i member looking over to him, and giving him and smile, then flippin him off. i got out of the car and he said "later u fuckin bitch!" kevin and russian gave me a hug i had a feeling it was the last time id see them, so i made it good. and i said thank you for all you did. next thing i knew, i closed the door, and all of the sudden, my heart was racing, everything turned to black. i had overdosed and toppled over in my kitchen. i remember going in and out of it and i saw body guards all around me in the hospital they were making sure i didnt leave. i barely member a therapist coming in and talkin to me.. "caitlin whats wrong, why did u do this to yourself?" "i loved him..and he left me all alone.." i then remember hearing the docter say to my mom, "the only thing shes suffering from is a broken heart" the next day was terrible. i remember waking up with a terrible pain in my stomach. i remember waking up crying, cuz i woke up...i remember seeing all the needle marks in my arms. i was pissed i was alive. that happend one year ago today i carry all that with me to this day. people dont get that being in pain..isnt fuckin funni. theres a hole in my heart from the knife i drove rite thru it. i allowed myself to be hurt by others. look where it got me...thankfully i met someone who can make that pain settle and be forgotton. thats one of the main reasons i love him..he took away the hurt of the past i want someone to thank kevin and russian for me if n e one talks to them if it wasnt for him and russian, i would have never met the love of my life john. i wouldnt be where i am today if it wasnt for them, makin sure i was okay that nite. if it wasnt for them, i wouldnt have been able to comfort kelly when she needed me the most.. i wouldnt have been able to say sorry to danielle for breaking her heart... i wouldnt have been able to be around for my baby brother.. i wouldnt be able to help ppl like i can.. i love yu guys so much, words cant ever explain how thankful i am of you both. i guess god wanted me here, i think he wanted me to stay and learn about what went wrong with my head.. i think he wanted me to right all of my wrongs. in which im doing so..:D .hey look at the stars, look how they shine for you. ♥ PS: and to this day as well..i still say fuck you to all the people that caused me to do that 2 comments|post comment

and if i fall? [25 Dec 2004|03:52pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | blAzE ft mAdr0x: iF i fAll ] shiaaaaaat, 2004 sucked, along with the last 4 years of my life i tell you. but something bout this year really made it terrible. started off oh so very good. doin all i wanted and having a great time with friends. ever since around april, life has been a up and down battle. the past few months have been nothing but stress. constantly thinkin bout how everything gets the best of me. i moved to arizona, started doin well..kinda lol..non-stop thinkin about john. i admit, i still do. and i miss him, i wish he was in my life. but now hes gone, and there is simply nothing i can do. lost a best friend due to somthing i never should have done, cuz now i see..he wasnt worth it..at all. so, i go out with daniel riiiiite? all sorts of words flew in the air with him, some true, some kinda came out our asses. he hasnt called me in over 2 months. i mean wtf? just grow up and break up with mem or somthing jesus..or u can atleast call me back when i call you. just another 3 month fling ive waisted time on. :-:father is going insane. :-:grandma is in the hospital vegged out as can be. :-:dominic still smokin herb..bout to go to prison if caught. :-:have a stupid boyfriend. the end. :-:all the guys that do talk to me, wanna fuck and thats bout it. :-:all my friends in scv only call me when im out there, acting like they missed me for so long. :-:john hasnt called me like he promised wen i saw him 2 weeks ago. and when i poured my little heart out to him :-:mom is in the hospital rite now. :-:i mite add, that was great to wake up seeing my mom on the bathroom floor christmas morning. it was the fuckin cherry to a fantastic year. :-:and me? i feel like im going all the way back when i first toppled over. i look at my arms, and i see all these scars everywhere, there a reminder of how fucked up in the head i used to be. i dont mind them, at all. somthimes i enjoy lookin at them. but when i look at them, and remember what the particular reason i did each one for. i break. its like each one has a stroy to tell. its like i got a lil book on my arm i can only read. and trust me, its one u dont wanna hear...i think the worst part of 2004 was hearing that i have a 1 year old baby brother. its so sad somthing so precious has to be brought into a world like the one im explainin to you now. ♥ </a> i love him♥ </a> i miss this. </a> someone i cant thank enuff.. </a> i wish i could bring her back.... .those are people who have shown me so much about life. and i cant belive they're gone. post comment

its just a hachet execution <3 [23 Dec 2004|05:55am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | tWizTid-shE AinT AfrAid ] happy birfday kel, even tho im a little lat on posting this but ya lol can you remember last year wat we were doing? do u remember how we felt? *chuckles* i do. i remember it all. and everyone. i miss them all terribly. thanks for making the memories of my life so great ♥ my cali trip was the best. got to chill with my best homies and met a new one lol who ill add is a dick but one of the coolest people lol the highlight was stayin up 2 nites straight with heather hah she turned into jay the first nite being all smart and shit lol then the second nite she was going insane it seemed hah at one point she proved me wrong when she thot herman was snoring and i said no, yet he really was hah. the best part was helpin steph out with a few things. it was good to see her really happy for the first time. i miss her sooo much, i dont ever wanna lose her as a friend iono what to say about celie? when i saw her it was great cuz its been so long. she hadnt changed, i just wish she was happier. i miss seeing her huggin all the sad people lol. i wish there was somthing i could do... kellys party was awsome. besides the part where i walked around like a lost dog lol i didnt mind, the main thing i wanted to do was say sorry to a few people, which i hope i did. kelly looked sooo pretty! i felt dumb, i was in jeans? hah but formal i must say lol. the hightlight of that nite was getting brees tittys in my face. lol. its almost christmas. scary to think im going to be spending it without anyone close to me. my dads gone, my brother is gone, tania isnt here, and nither is the baby. christmas is supposed to feel so warm. yet i feel so cold. i wish i was in SCV this x-mas. all the great gifts im getting are awsome ill say, but it will never fill the space of my bro running into my room as kids and him covering my eyes and then making me run into a wall lol. then him handing me my stocking. i miss lookin over and seeing my mom and dad next to one another. its scary to see that were all scatterd. shit fell apart in the past year. sad. but its the way things go. were all giving the life were supposed to lead. we just gotta deal pretty much, and im learnin how. ive had a good x mas break. a new ankle lol made amends with old friends. got to spend time with the friends i love. even tho things arnt getting better, i kno i have somthing here. i got my hatchet man. damn this thing is fuckin fresh lol. i got a nice chain and all. thats my highlight for this christmas. update soon<3 PS: is it bad if u havnt talked to ur boyfriend in almost 3 months? lol i dont think i should call him my boyfriend. cuz hes mean lol </a> Have a Merry Christmas Everyone :D MCL 1 comment|post comment

i meant all the things i said to you..cant u help yourself to?? <3 [16 Dec 2004|11:33am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | zUg iZlAnd: sAvEd ] so today i crutch into a little room to take my final and this girl walks in and i didnt notice her at first really.. i look up and shes got stitches all over her neck she looks at me and said: if your wondering why my neck is all fucked up... its cuz i used to use meth and now i have cancer i looked at her and said "im so sorry" i didnt know what else to say to this girl. my stomach sank when she said it she looked so worn out, but she had the brightest eyes and biggest smile i think deep in her heart she knew she couldnt be mad with n e one but herself, so she had to smile i began to tell her about one of my freinds that uses meth i told her i was scared for my friend, and that shes always in a bad mood cuz shes always coming down i told her im losing my best friend she looked at me still looking so bright, and said: u gotta dig thru a little dirt to keep wat you love she told me how no one ever cared for her like i did with my friend she said shes </strong>scared no one will show up to her funeral</strong> i looked at her, i still had no idea what to say to her.. i told her im sure there is someone out there you forgot about during the times when you used, there always is, there was with me i just never realized it, maybe cuz i didnt want to. who knoes she looked up at me and smiled and said your right when she finished her final she gave me a hug and told me i hope your friend gets thru this, i wish i had someone like you to help me i watched the girl walk out, never knowing if id see her get better its shit like that, that really makes u see how good friends really are some find them, some dont hold onto what good you have, it could just fade away so quickly mcl post comment

i put it on the hatchet <3 [15 Dec 2004|07:48pm] [ mood | full ] [ music | hAtchEt l0vE: blAzE yA dEAd h0miE ] okay, i highly recoment u dont eat 3 packages of orbit gum..hah, it makes ur tummy feel like a jiant gum ball. cali in 2 days mcl throuh your eyez you think were all the same tell me can u see me now?</center> post comment

it rains diam0nds nightly here.. [12 Dec 2004|05:37pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | hElls f0rcAst: ICP ] not much has changed since i last updated.. it wouldnt matter tho. all everyone does is read this then walse away like its nothing. yesterday was december 11th..hmm..one year ago yesterday my life changed dramatically. .good day. an old friend had called me up and i member screamin to her "guess whos here" *chuckles* but hey, everyone from that day is in my past. not becuz i choose..but becuz their all just gone. kellys party is atleast 5 days away. to be honest, im excited, yet scared. its 2 worlds colliding with one when its me and her friends. sad thing is, non of them really have accepted me. thos who have, are the coolest people ive ever met... goin to cali this friday will be good for me and my mom.. things are getting harder to deal with these days.. im surprised im still holding on. i need to see my old friends that meant somthing to me.. like celie.. i have so many sorrys to set on her lap.. and i have so much to say.. but i kno i owe her more than just sorry.. then there is heather and steph.. 3 people i dont kno what i would do without... i got sergery on my anlke tuesday.. im on crutches and in a cast.. its going to suck being in cali like that.. i mite fall ocassionaly lol.. ill update wenever ♥ 2 comments|post comment

i come equipt with an axe and some love handles [04 Dec 2004|10:35pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | ICP: it rAinS diAm0ndS ] its december. i can remember last december so clearly. one year yesterday was the start of a new experiance for me. all the way up to december 30, im going to be a nervous wreck, i do not know how im going to handle all of this. to be quite honest, im really scared. this week is getting me really shaken up. im going into sergery on tuesday morning. im scared, alot can go wrong just in ankle sergery. my gramma is in and out of the hospital. my dad is losing his mind. and my brother is currently awaiting a posetion charge to see if he will return to jail. this time, it wont be for 6 months. i pray for him everynite. im also on the verge of failing 10th grade. i cant see n e thing clear rite now. i just cant wait till i go to cali in 2 weeks so i can see my frends. there the only ones who really make me feel better. and john *tehe* and kelly, its her birthday. im excited to see her again. this entry is kinda goin in different direcions its cuz i dont know what to feel rite now.. i havnt talked to daniel in about a month. ive let go. im learning to see what is real and wat is not real. daniels one of my best frends and i love him for always being here. but i dont think were meant to be with one another. ill update in a week or so♥ post comment

let the Dark Carnival show u different worlds [29 Nov 2004|04:40pm] [ mood | Acc0mpliShed ] [ music | dArk l0tuS: JuGGal0 FaMily ] thanksgiving break was good, and bad at the same time. my dad picked me up from the airport weds nite at 9:30 i went rite to sleep wen i got home funni thing was, he didnt have n e blankets or pillows, so i slept on a chair and huddled up into my bros jacket. the next day was thanksgiving me and my bro ate with my dad and then went up to SCV i went to stephanies house for a little bit. she was being weird. so it wasnt alot of fun..i went home around 1030. the next day i asked tania if she wanted to go to lunch with aidan in SCV. we were done eating around 2:30 wen i go outside with aidan and i saw jon walking around i got all nervous and didnt say n e thing. i was just going to let him go i met up with tania at the movies with aidan and i said im going to have a cigg. i walked around the corner and then i look up and jon was rite there. it scared me lol he asked me how i was doing, and what not. we got into a conversation on wat makes us happy. he said: "you have to have somthing that makes u happy?" i said: "ya, but i dont have it" "what is it?" i was shaking all over, and then i pointed at him. i cant explain the look he had on his face. his bus was coming, but he said he would be back. we hung out later on at the mall for a while then i realized i had no where to stay that nitelol he said he would come back if i didnt. ya well me being the girl who goes for what she wants i didnt even give him time to call me, i dragged stephanie to saugus with me at 9:30 lol ryan walked outside and me and steph were just sittin there like dumbasses lol he said jon was asleep so steph called her house to see if they would come and get us. her dad said i couldnt sleep over and her mom wasnt answering her fone. i was fucked, and it was 40 degress outside it felt. i was about to be homless lol john came outside and we all just kicked it until stephanie got ahold of her mom. she didnt lol ryans parents were nice enuff to let us sleep over. me and john talked alot that nite and things are better now for me. i used to be unsure bout everything but now i know. and im happy as hell things are going well again ♥ me and steph didnt get to hang out much, even tho we were together the whole time, i tried to talk to her, but nothing would make her open up to me. she also has a boyfrend, which means hes the top of her list. things have changed with us. and im not so sure im comfortable with it.. i got home on saturday nite and my dad was drunk as hell and pissed off cuz i never called him, i didnt call cuz i was scared he would flip out on me. like he did. he screamed hatefull words at me and dominic all nite. the whole time i was there. he didnt have much else nice to say to me or dominic. i wish he would just get better..... </a> Monoxide Child aww i love that man^ post comment

ive become so numb, i cant feel u there. [23 Nov 2004|11:24pm] [ mood | nErv0us ] [ music | LinKin PArk: NumB ] all of the sudden i got really shakey. im thinking about the things in life and the way things were. i cant cope with the fact that, things i loved are gone. i was thinkin bout moments at the park, moments at the mall, moments sittin with kelly at her house. it seems as if its all gone and the people are gone to. i cant even begin to explain how fuckin lonely i am. no one calls, no one writes.. no ones here to see how im doing. it terrifies me to think that this is how my life has ended up. im alone all the stupid shit i did and all the pain i caused people.. i want to leave it all behind and just say im sorry but i cant say im sorry cuz i owe all those people more than that. im scared to take steps forward cuz im haunted with fear that in the end.. it will all just disapeer again. im meeting new people, but i feel myself holding back cuz i think about the people in scv. and i dont want to replace them. but when i think about it more, i really dont have n e one. i never did not even the people who said they loved me in 2003. it makes me wanna cry when i go back to cali just to remind myself of what i will never have again. memorys are all i have left. and i fuckin sick of living in memory. ♥ There comes a point in your life when you have to realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will. The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you somehow, and your going to hurt them. But you just have to decide whose worth the pain.. 4 comments|post comment

words hurt [19 Nov 2004|10:30pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | fr0m AutuMn t0 AshEs: AftER diNNer pAybAck ] i was walkin out to have a cigg when i heard somthing on tv and i went and sat down. Reporter on Tv: a black male arrested today for bribbing a 15 year old girl to have sex with him so hed buy her alcohol. i was thinking how fucked up that is. my mom starts laffing and said "caitlin do u kno him!?" i looked at her, and i said "that was so fuckin shitty" "jesus caitlin, laff it was a joke. i was meaning it like u at the wash." "i dont care. its not funni at all" it hurt me so badly when she said that, it would have been funni if shit didnt go so bad at one time. i shouldnt have yelled at her like that, she didnt kno why i was so pissed bout it... i love my past and i did some stupid shit while i was in SCV but i never did anything like that for some 40'z and it really hurt me to hear my mom say somthing like that, it was like, she didnt believe i respect myself too much then to do that. im not that mad n e more, im just bitter that my own fuckin mom said that to me. couple more days till i get to caliiiiiiiiiiiiii bitch waaaat! hah im so dumb lol ♥ i love yu daniel :D post comment

[19 Nov 2004|06:56pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | k0tt0nm0uth kiNgs-420 ] i got bored today and went on a search bout maryjane :) Marijuana is by far the most commonly used illegal drug in the United States and in most other countries as well.  More than seventy million Americans have tried marijuana, and more than twenty million have smoked it in the last year. The use of marijuana may decrease in years to come, as may the use of alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, and drugs such as Valium and prozac. But the use of marijuana, like the use of these other psychoactive drugs, is here to stay </a> ♥ post comment

id rather hang out with the crookeds at the liqour store [17 Nov 2004|09:19pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | tWizTid-diRty LiL giRl ] i used to think i was a fortunate person to be able to have things that made me happy now i realize, i was, but i never respected them until all the memorys started to come at me and the consequenses fuckin suck. i used to have people in my life i loved i used to have some one who cared enuff to die for me. i look around and see what i now have, and its not anything without them in my life. i miss the memorys, and i miss the smiles. i used to have a group of people behind me and now its just a few ive never felt so fuckin alone in my life. i try to interact with new people, but whats the fuckin point when all they do is judge me. im pissed that people cant accept me for who i am and not wat i do. but what i do is apart of me. so i can see why im being looked down on. im not gonna change to make any one smile. cuz that would just show, im not being who i am. i am who i am and i love the people who accept me for being just that. it isnt many, but hey, who needs a million frends when u got a few great ones. im sick of living in a place where u seem like the kind of person thats a complete fuck up. i dont share my past, i dont want to. i dont need anymore judgments. anyone who says they dont give a fuck what people think about them are lying to you, and themselves. it wouldnt bother me so much if i hadnt just moved here but it does when i gotta fuckin live here for 3 more years. id rather not sit at home everynite writting in this bitch how much i hate it. but when i get the chance.. im fuckin leaving this place and its bullshit people im coming to cali next week. i dont care what i do, where i go. as long as i see my frends and that would make myself feel so much better inside. i love yu daniel ♥ post comment

it was 2 months last friday :D [17 Nov 2004|12:03am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | tWizTid-thr0ugh y0ur EyEs ] i got a notice from my principle today that i mite have to go to a hearing to see if im going to get expelled from gilbert i was like ur kidding me rite? i guess ive missed to much skool there all excused absences.. iono what the fuck is up with there bullshit rules lol im pissed cuz if i do get expelled, i lose all my credits ive worked for. i hate gilbert lol im going to cali next weds! im eccited :D ♥ i love yu daniel :D post comment

[15 Nov 2004|12:38am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | wikEd cl0wns: ICP & kMk ] i do it cuz i can i do it cuz i want to i do it cuz daddy never believed i could ♠ u drained out my heart daddy and now it looks like a spade. post comment

i m0urn f0r th0se wh0 nEvEr knEw y0u [12 Nov 2004|11:49pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | m0nicA: AngEl 0f minE ] holy crap lol monday i was in second period and i had a bad feeling somthing was going wrong i guess i was rite i get home from skool and my mom calls and tell me my grammy is in the hospital with a blood clot in her head. so me and bonners drove to tucson around 5. we get there and my mom told me that we were going to get dominic at the airport at 1045 we pick him up and we all went to the hospital me and dominic were walkin down the hospital halls and its never felt so fuckin cold in my life we get into her room and see her laying there with tubes all over and shes got this huge rap around her head i sat there and stared at her, i didnt know what to do i was completely numb dominic bent down and said a prayer for her and held her hand. i just walked out, i couldnt look at her like that, shes to sweet of a person to go thru that. as days went by, my uncle and aunt came and stayed till tonite. gramma started to respond to us by opening her eyes and nodding to us when we talked to her it kinda looks like she mite get thru this. i really hope, she deserves to. i just got home 10 mins ago spending time with dominic was great. i told him i needed him to stop smokin herb so he could be in my life if he doesnt, he will be back in juvy by december, and when he turns 18 in jan he will be sent to prison the last thing he said to me when he was leaving was that he was gonna stop smoking pot. i was really happy, i cant lose him again, it was to hard. PS: fuck my dad ill update soon. ♥ i love you daniel and i miss you soo much :( i heart steph too 1 comment|post comment

my love for u is everlasting <3 [07 Nov 2004|09:32pm] [ mood | l0nEly ] [ music | kiLLswiTch EngAgE: r0sE 0f shAryN ] in time we gotta realize somethings are just going to go away because change is inevidable. i was talking to my grandma last nite she brought up my father and she said: i rememer i wanted to stay here, your dad didnt want to i said: thats my father for you..when he doesnt want somthing the way he wants it, he rejects it it got silent in the car, my mom looked at me they knew i was pointing towards myself.. its really upsetting when u dont have yur dad's acceptance... :( losing all my frends from summer 03 is kicking in there the only ones who i really can trust with all i have and i miss them all terribly.. losing all my frends from hart is kickin in as well. im realizing, they were people who were meant to walk into my life and teach me somthing.. they taught me, never try so hard to love anyone when the meaning isnt mutual. im coming to grips with the fact that i really dont have anyone anymore.. i just have a bitter memory of what was. *sigh* i talked to my babey!!! heehee i miss him so much it sucks soo bad not seeing him ever. people dont know how lucky they are when they have somthing that is always with them :-\ i miss my best frend steph, i miss my love daniel, i miss talkin with kelly on her balcony, i miss walking around newhall all day with chris, i miss arguin with danielle, i miss 2003, i miss hart park, i miss the mall rats, i miss the druggies, i miss the bus rides with frends, i miss the wash, i miss the movies, i miss my old house, i miss how the lites flickard in the glenn, i miss the glenn, i miss SCV..but most of all, i miss my life. when u lose what means the most to you..you lose yourself.. im a big friggin mess rite now.. i wish things would just light back up.. ♥ i love you daniel..so much 1 comment|post comment

your picture..a bitter memory [06 Nov 2004|10:40pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | twizTid-AfrAid 0f mE ] "i took a look at myself and came to grips with what i had found it was a vision of a child disturbed and broke down no soul, no heart cuz i gave it away no time for feeling sorry for myself ill grieve another day and all those tears are stored in storm clouds that hover above me and cover the ugly they continue to haunt me when i was feeling low and thats the same reason that i hold on and never let go" i effing love that part of that song :) ♥ post comment

onE yEAr ag0..wE wErE aLL dAnciNg [06 Nov 2004|12:49pm] [ mood | AmusEd ] [ music | iCp-blAAAm!!! ] I ♥ you daniel post comment

dAddys giRl lEArnEd fAst fr0m All thE thiNgs hE didNt sAy [03 Nov 2004|08:57pm] [ mood | blAnk ] [ music | b0n j0vi: dAddyS liTTle RunAwAy ] bla my life is so boring, i couldnt even make a story about it my thots are more exciting than my real life lol its sad im supposed to be going to cali soon but i have a problem agen..i have no where to stay lol anyone who wouldnt mind having a juvinille delinquint stay at there house for like 3 days that would be greatly appreciated..hah ya im kidding about the juvinille stuff.. :-\ i talked to my dad tonite for the first time in god knows how long call me stupid, but i dont want to talk to him anymore im sick of his excuses im sick of the bullshit i miss daniel so much and i want him here rite now lol i cant even think about n e thing else to talk about talk about a friggin loser i wish i was kidding too lol ill update when i start having something to write about i ♥ you daniel!!!!! people say were as drunk on love as drunk as you can get people say were getting high on lust and cigarettes people call it living in sin i call it love post comment

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